Now I know how Zorro and Bingo felt when I dressed them up as reindeers last Christmas….acks!
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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrived….and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, “Come on, baby….Southern Girl needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down….and squealed… “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”
She hugged each of the dealers…and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”
The other answered, “I don’t know… I thought you were watching.”
Moral :
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men…..are men :loser:
*LOL* Thanks Damon.. 
This was a forwarded email I got from my aunt which made me think, why wasn’t I the one in his place??? O well…..read on and be ‘educated’.
An outlook of life from Warren Buffet; The second richest man
There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:
- He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!
- He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.
- He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.
- He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.
- He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world’s largest private jet company.
- His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO’s only two rules. Rule number 1 : do not lose any of your share holder’s money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.
- He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television.
- Bill Gates, the world’s richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
- Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk. His advice to young people: “Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember:
- Money doesn’t create man but it is the man who created money.
- Live your life as simple as you are.
- Don’t do what others say, just listen them, but do what you feel good.
- Don’t go on brand name; just wear those things in which u feel comfortable.
- Don’t waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who really in need rather.
- After all it’s your life then why give chance to others to rule our life.”
Men Are Just Happier People. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Here’s why and many of these are true aitelyu!!
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be President.
- You can never be pregnant.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
- You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
- People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
- You can play with toys all your life.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes.
- One color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look!
- You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
- You don’t freakout when you go to a party and see another man wearing the same shirt,instead you become buddies.
No WONDER men are happier…:rolleyes:
Damn….this reminds me of Ted. *scratches head*
Thanks Cousin Joe!
A young man went for an IAS interview.
“When did India get independence?” He was asked.
“The efforts began many years earlier and the final result was in 1947″ He replied.
“Who was responsible for our independence?”
“There were so many. Whom to mention?. If I name one it will be a injustice to another”, he replied.
“Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?”
“Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report” he replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Sardar would not leave him.
“At least tell me the answers” he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.
“By the way, what is your date of birth?” He replied, “The effort began many years earlier and final result was in 1947.” Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. “What is your fathers name?” He replied, “There were so many, whom to mention. If I name one it will be injustice to another.”
The interviewer was incensed. “Hey! Are you mad or what?!”
He replied. “Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only
after seeing the report.”
Thank Aunty Jayne for that! 
And no offence to the Sardars…
Got it off an email but I forgot from whom. Sowwy….but this is pretty good stuff!
Following is a ten point practical advise for the house holder to make the home a happy home by developing understanding for others (not with the mind but with the heart):-
1. Avoid the next quarrel:
Never lose temper at the same time. Don’t let the sun set on your quarrels (Never prolong fights if at all started). It is OK to say “I am sorry” to your spouse.
2. Do not expect perfection from your spouse:
Marriage is coming together of two imperfect beings. Don’t expect wife or husband to be like this or that, accept them as they are.
3. Be a Good Listener:
Don’t interrupt your spouse when he/she is speaking. Think before speaking, it is a good idea to weigh before you speak. You are master of unspoken words but slave of spoken words. Better than listening from ear is listening through mind (with attention) and better than that is listening from heart.
4. Be a good forgiver:
Some people forgive but they keep the memory alive or they forgive conditionally. Forgiveness should be complete and unconditional.
5. Grow in the spirit of humility:
Be humble. Egos bring arrogance which divide and separate people.
6. Learn the art of appreciation:
We all like to be appreciated. Not being appreciated by the spouses is one of the biggest complaint. Always appreciate in front of others. Never criticize your spouse in a company of friends and relatives, you will get opportunities in privacy.
7. Do not argue:
Winning love and friendship is far greater than winning an argument. It is OK to discuss with a open mind. Learn to win love and affection rather than arguments.
8. Develop a healthy sense of humor:
Learn to laugh and be cheerful. It is a great tonic for healthy living and being accepted by friends. It is important to laugh with others and NOT at others.
9. Always lend a helpful hand:
You will win over if you have this attitude of offering a helpful hand with or without asking.
10. Bring GOD back into your home:
This is one of the most important one. Have a common time for prayers. It brings families together. Families that pray together stays together.
I wrote a poem yesterday and then I forgot to bring my thumb drive! Haiz…..
