Little Cozy Corner

Men Are Just Happier People. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Here’s why and many of these are true aitelyu!!

• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be President.
• You can never be pregnant.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
• You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
• People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
• New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• One mood all the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
• You can play with toys all your life.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes.
• One color for all seasons.
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look!
• You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
• You don’t freakout when you go to a party and see another man wearing the same shirt,instead you become buddies.

No WONDER men are happier…:rolleyes:

Damn….this reminds me of Ted. *scratches head*

Thanks Cousin Joe!

A young man went for an IAS interview.

“When did India get independence?” He was asked.
“The efforts began many years earlier and the final result was in 1947″ He replied.
“Who was responsible for our independence?”
“There were so many. Whom to mention?. If I name one it will be a injustice to another”, he replied.
“Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?”
“Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report” he replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Sardar would not leave him.

“At least tell me the answers” he pleaded, and our friend obliged. Then it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.

“By the way, what is your date of birth?” He replied, “The effort began many years earlier and final result was in 1947.” Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. “What is your fathers name?” He replied, “There were so many, whom to mention. If I name one it will be injustice to another.”

The interviewer was incensed. “Hey! Are you mad or what?!”

He replied. “Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only
after seeing the report.”

Thank Aunty Jayne for that! And no offence to the Sardars…

Got it off an email but I forgot from whom. Sowwy….but this is pretty good stuff!

Following is a ten point practical advise for the house holder to make the home a happy home by developing understanding for others (not with the mind but with the heart):-

1. Avoid the next quarrel:
Never lose temper at the same time. Don’t let the sun set on your quarrels (Never prolong fights if at all started). It is OK to say “I am sorry” to your spouse.

2. Do not expect perfection from your spouse:
Marriage is coming together of two imperfect beings. Don’t expect wife or husband to be like this or that, accept them as they are.

3. Be a Good Listener:
Don’t interrupt your spouse when he/she is speaking. Think before speaking, it is a good idea to weigh before you speak. You are master of unspoken words but slave of spoken words. Better than listening from ear is listening through mind (with attention) and better than that is listening from heart.

4. Be a good forgiver:
Some people forgive but they keep the memory alive or they forgive conditionally. Forgiveness should be complete and unconditional.

5. Grow in the spirit of humility:
Be humble. Egos bring arrogance which divide and separate people.

6. Learn the art of appreciation:
We all like to be appreciated. Not being appreciated by the spouses is one of the biggest complaint. Always appreciate in front of others. Never criticize your spouse in a company of friends and relatives, you will get opportunities in privacy.

7. Do not argue:
Winning love and friendship is far greater than winning an argument. It is OK to discuss with a open mind. Learn to win love and affection rather than arguments.

8. Develop a healthy sense of humor:
Learn to laugh and be cheerful. It is a great tonic for healthy living and being accepted by friends. It is important to laugh with others and NOT at others.

9. Always lend a helpful hand:
You will win over if you have this attitude of offering a helpful hand with or without asking.

10. Bring GOD back into your home:
This is one of the most important one. Have a common time for prayers. It brings families together. Families that pray together stays together.

I wrote a poem yesterday and then I forgot to bring my thumb drive! Haiz…..

Is this happening in your company? 

I bet it is!

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup 2010 [a LOT of time to prepare lor!!].

FAILURE TO ADHERE TO THE RULES STIPULATED AS PER BELOW WILL RESULT IN SEVERE REPERCUSSIONS.

List of rules :

1. From 11 June to 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day. This rule however is discretionary. (please refer to rule 2)

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce (not necessarily in that order).

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards,
Men of the World

Because some ppl think I’m an old 65 year old MAN, I have to set the record straight thanks to Wuching. This is ONE man’s story….not mine lar!! 

Dear  Diary.

For my sixty fifth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health  club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college tennis team 45 years ago, I decided it would be a  good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club  and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who  identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my  enthusiasm to get started!

The club encouraged me to keep a diary  to chart my progress.

MONDAY

Started my day  at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it  when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She  is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me  the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was  alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I  enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda  was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, all though my gut was already  aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going  to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY

I drank a  whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made  me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air — then she  put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I  made the full mile.  Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for  me.

WEDNESDAY

The only way I can brush my teeth is  by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was  OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO
in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with  me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.

Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and  when she scolds, She gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She  said some other shit  too.

THURSDAY

Belinda was waiting for me with  her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled  back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it  took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with  dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. 

She sent Lars to find me. Then, as punishment, she  put me on the  rowing machine — which I sank.

FRIDAY

I  hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any  other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without  unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on  my triceps . I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in  the floor, don’t hand me the M—– f—– barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY

Belinda left a message on my  answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did  not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine  with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV  remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather  Channel.

SUNDAY

I’m having the Church van pick  me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is  over. I will also pray that next year my wife (the bitch) will choose a  gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a  vasectomy.

If that didn’t make you laugh, something must be wrong with you!! Thanks Sis…. :LOL: By the way, how come no one got PBB credit card arr? Looks like these FREE hotel room vouchers are going into the bin yet again.